Monday, April 27, 2015


i simply am not someone who would spend my birthday simply. perhaps it’s the historical records of my birthdays. something exciting always happens. somehow. until recent years when we all grow up and become busy. but i’ve learnt, that how awesome your 21st is or 20th is is not dependent on how you spent your birthday. it is, how you spent your entire year. my 20th birthday was not a huge celebration because again, most people were still having their exams. i had pretty Shannon to spend my birthday with me and i’m so thankful for that. but i spent a pretty good year being 20. and i think that counts more than anything. 
- blogpost 27 April 2013 
i can't believe i'm #23. people do their resolutions and recaps of the year on New Years' Eve. i do mine on birthdays. ^^'. i couldn't recall what i used to post on my birthdays and to my horror, i discovered that i actually didn't blog on my birthday last year - which yes. is kinda weird. perhaps instagram took over.

sharing a little bit of my past writing above. i used to write so much, and so much (better). getting rusty altogether now.

22 was life changing. it brought about convocation, unemployment for a few months (i.e. months of figuring out life) and then getting my first job. a year of changes, i can't decide if those changes were good. but i guess it's inevitable. it wasn't the best year, but i found new friendships that i would fight the world for. i found people i didn't mind hanging out with for almost 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. i found friends who have learnt how to manage me and my fluctuating emotions and moods, while i grew and learnt to ground myself in logic before anything else. it's been an amazing, unbelievable and almost ridiculous roller coaster ride the past 7 months. and i'm not sure if i'd have held up without them.

but life has been moving so fast and i really wanted to sit down, slow down and re evaluate my life. but i couldn't get away from work and spent 3/4 of my birthday in the office. not that i hated it. but i'll just have to find time this week. which i have declared my #birthdayweek *^^*

so much to do so little time. we don't remember days, we remember moments.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Mid-Week Korea 2015

it's the first day of April and my 5th day in Korea. i'm back at the same old place - Edae's Beans Bin, sitting at the very same spot i did in the Winter 2013, and subsequently early Summer 2014. i got my lashes and hair done today and i almost feel like a legit Korean. just a bit. not that i aspire to be one - #justsaying. i'm quite happy being Singaporean #thankyouLKY #itwillnevergetold

the weather is getting warmer - cold but warmer. if that makes sense. and i've been really resting quite well (other than last night). but really i have been sleeping so much (better). may i be well recharged when i get back. 

nonetheless, it feels good to have a break and revisit. walking through all the familiar lanes, still getting lost at iconic places and having favourite places. it hit me this time though, that i may never be able to truly be a tourist in Korea. ever. it's getting harder to find the little things that amaze me in Korea - similarly to how we probably take things granted in Singapore. i recall being able to find amusement in every single detail. the signboards in subway stations, the complicated buildings with hidden treasures at different turns. the hard sell marketing of cosmetic shops. i also recall missing the familiarity of knowing what lies in every corner in Singapore, and not in Korea. i have that now, here. and i can't wait to explore somewhere else and continue being amazed at the little things and learning more about a different culture. 

i spent the first couple of days overwhelmed in nostalgia and greatly missing my exchange days. truly! i relish the feeling of being wrapped in layers of clothing and being hit by the cold wind as we head out of the subway station.. the food.. ah. a couple more days.

much thoughts these days.

will be meeting a couple of old Korean friends these couple of days to catch up.

BTW: i've tried at least half of the waffle menu at Beans Bins and i can finally say that it truly is overrated. as Abi would say, Udders does this 10x better. *^^* #singapore #thankyouLKY


Saturday, March 21, 2015

It is a Random Saturday.

life has been moving so incredibly fast for me and every single day has been filled to the brim with work. in fact, i don't remember the last weekend i had to myself - just sleeping in and spending the entire day at home. it's kind of an iffy feeling to not have anything to rush or work for. the second dance workshop has passed and i really don't have anything in particular that i'm worried about. which is rather amazing. perhaps only my Korea Trip coming up next week, which i haven't planned an itinerary for. and my messy room. before i lose track of life, i really needed to write - which i had been wanting to for such a long time. to reassess my life, to decide what was important, and what i want(ed).

i had wanted to write last week, but the dance workshop that weekend really drained me and i still feel like i'm recovering from that, and the late nights at work. i need to sleep more and remember that i cannot function without enough sleep.

today is one of the rare days that i'm at home, the entire day, relaxing, breathing and having time to myself. i watch some dramas to pass time, yet i'm afraid of time slipping by too fast without me knowing. it's so warm today though. and here i am alone in my room, the house, looking out into the skies that threaten to rain. 

i am rambling.

Saturday, January 31, 2015


the girls at NUS picked you up from a bed of flowers and named you petal. your attraction to flowers was undeniable. today, korkor went back to that same bed of flowers and made sure you left with them.

i miss you petal. we had to change our lifestyle since you came. i complained and grumbled about having to share the bathroom with you, the various scratches you inflicted and having to close my door all the time. we even had to baby gate the stairs so that Stumpy would stop trying to look for you upstairs. which reminds me of the one time he chased you up the stairs into the room and you finally stood your ground and whacked him as you sat on the chair. you were a feisty scaredy cat

i secretly think you probably hated me at the start too. but we were stuck at home alone together for too long most of the time during my last semester in school and after graduation. you were my only company at home (together with Stumpy), and tolerated all my bathroom (and everywhere else) singing. we secretly bonded when i came home one day depressed and you sat and fell asleep on my lap as i sat on the rug in front of my room. i fed you treats on the sly almost daily after that.

but i've gotten used to that tinkling bell around the house. knowing you would always greet us at the door. even when i returned home late when no one else was awake. you would come running down to welcome me. i'd say you were a cat who thought you were a dog. you played fetch with your toy. and i believe you're probably the only cat who'd ever play fetch.

i miss you running to the window whenever you hear that we're home. to welcome us back through the glass and subsequently plop comfortably in our way as we entered to get our attention. no longer can i tap the glass at the window when i come back home. the house feels empty and quiet without you.

you'd sit in front of my room because you weren't allowed in. you'd try your luck sometimes and walk in, only to be drenched in water as i ran after you with the spray can. once, you disappeared in the house and we thought you escaped. only to find you comfortably hidden in my wardrobe for the entire day. you loved my wardrobe and sought to get in whenever you could. or you'd sit just outside my door, meowing to get my attention and hoping to come in. peeping in from outside.

you'd pose funny with your exceptionally long body. and bully stumpy by taunting him at the balcony. yet, you would still rest on the carpet right in front of him when we leave the house. despite our plans, you never made friends with Stumpy. i will miss seeing you lying there. or on your favourite spot on the black chair downstairs at night. or on top of our shelves as you stilt walk your way across our curtain rods to spy on Stumpy and the birds.

you also loved mummy and daddy's room, and would sit outside meowing till someone let you in. that was, until you learnt how to push open the door. you loved their bathroom, and the top of their wardrobe. you were constantly finding new places to hide, perhaps from us when we harassed you to play. or when i scared you just to watch you jump. or when i harassed you one night to catch the giant flying cockroach in my room when no one else was home.

you were a celebrity with our neighbours and the tuitioning kids walking past. everyone tapped at the window when they walked past. hoping to get a glimpse of our supermodel petal. you were so popular we fixed a basket beside the window. 

you also loved sitting at korkor's window, looking out into the skies, trees and birds. you loved birds. you always wanted to run out. perhaps to see the world outside. and you did, much to our dismay. and you didn't make it back. and i'm sorry for not being there to protect you, or save you from the dangers of the world. i'm sorry that you fell, and ran into hiding against that wall alone, behind the bicycles, bleeding and helpless. i'm sorry petal. it tears me apart every single time i think about how afraid and alone you must have been, lying there in pain. i thank God, that daddy managed to find you. but i'm sorry we couldn't save you and i'm sorry for not making it in time to see you before you left.

you were more than just a cat. you were family. always dependable, always around and rarely rejected a hug whenever i come home from a bad day at work. i miss you dear petal, and it's been extremely difficult for all of us ever since you left. i really miss holding your soft warm furry body. your long tail with that funky kink at the end. thank you for the past 1.5 years you've been with us, all the joy and laugher you've brought into our lives. i'll never forget you.

Petal, 2013 - 29 Jan 2015

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Sunday Afternoons; 2015 New Year Resolutions

Miam Miam Spaghetti
i love how Christmas seems just barely over when here we all are, preparing to welcome the Lunar New Year. everything is just fast, coming and leaving in a flash and i can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad. working in a FMCG exacerbates everything - i have found myself living in the future far too often. planning for Christmas way before we hear any bells ringing and planning for CNY during Christmas. it plays with my mind really. i've been incredibly tired, and getting comments at how.. i stone perpetually or have become less lively. i'm not sure if life is meant to be lived this way, or perhaps all working people have to go through this. but i know, that it is a choice on how we want to live our lives. and we have the power to dictate where we want to invest our time and energy - at the expense of things. you can't have your cake and eat it too. 

nonetheless i resolved to make some 2015 new year resolutions.

1. be happier :)
certainly the most vague and generic resolution ever. but i honestly, genuinely want to be a happier person. from the bottom of my heart, not just so to patronise or entertain - which i have recently caught myself doing. or to make someone happy. i want to live my life the way i want to and find meaning and value, worth in the things i put my mind, heart and soul in. it's easier said than done and i will have a game plan:

2. give less shit about things
i guess the nicer way to put it would be to care less. to care less about what people think or how things will turn out. perhaps sometimes we spend so much time giving thoughts about the feelings of others and a whole lot of crap at the expense of our own happiness. i need to learn that we all have limited amount of time and cares. limited energy and soul to dedicate where we will truly put our energy in. this applies to me in both work and out of work context. in work, there's an overwhelming amount of things to do and it always seems that every single thing is important and urgent. but there really is just one of me. and i don't even feel experienced enough to make certain decisions at times. my colleague pointed out that i spend so much time worrying on things that aren't really that important. i can't help it but i have to change.

work consumes me and sometimes i don't even have time for myself. so out of work i try to spend my time wisely. meeting friends helps to keep me sane and grounded, and reminds me to be myself. then again, as everyone gets busy, it's sometimes incredibly difficult to meet. but people who want to stay connected will find means to stay connected. and i should stop investing in people who doesn't care? i have enough things on my plate at work to chase after someone else.

i thought about this for awhile now. i grew up fighting to hit expectations, impress. to please. recently i decided that i wasn't going to live my life trying to please all these people around me. i just want to do what makes me happy (even though pleasing people makes me happy sometimes too). i can't come up with a reason why i should be making someone else happy all the time at the expense of my own.

3. exercise
enough said. i used to be so active before starting work. i just feel fat and lazy now. i need to exercise at least once a week and get back into the dance studio/swimming pool. it's really bad at how unhealthy i (sometimes) feel.

4. read
i want to read 12 books this year. i've got book credits from my brother as a birthday gift last year, which would probably safely cover the 12 books i would want to read. i miss reading. whether they are cookbooks, intellectual nutrition books or fiction. i want to read.

5. #365
perhaps the most important book i should be reading would be the Bible. i signed up for my church's #365 - which is a commitment and dedication to finish reading the Bible in a year. well, i actually am 11 days late, already. need to pull up my socks on this one.

6. bake
i haven't been baking. but this should be easier to achieve with CNY coming up and i have prepped the fridge with the necessary blocks of butter for those pineapple tarts. kueh lapis would require some true dedication and perhaps a day or two off from work. that aside, i shall sub point this: to renovate our kitchen. i hope to eventually renovate our kitchen this year and have a nice true baking space.

7. write
writing has always been my outlet and channel to rationalise and sort out all the thoughts in my head. it keeps me sane, calm and grounded, and reminds me of the life i want to live. i'm not very good at writing, and it rusts if i don't write frequently. i need to keep to writing, at least weekly - as i had previously tried resolving to do.

8. korean
i stopped my korean classes ever since school ended and have been stagnant. had a video call with my korean friend the other day and found myself speaking slower. i had wanted to sign up for korean classes on Saturdays for awhile now. but i really haven't had the time to. i will, this year.

9. travel
i want to go back to Korea this year. once or twice perhaps. and Taiwan. these places of comfort that reminds me of the days back when i was still studying. although i still dream of making a second visit to London and Europe.. but i absolutely miss korea. so so, so much. i love knowing what lies around every crook and corner. i love knowing that everything goes on sale every couple of weeks. i love the whole familiarity of just being there.

10. love myself
in all the right ways that is. this isn't the same as being self-centred. i want to love myself more. i need to be less hard on myself at times and be a little more forgiving.

Chase your dreams, pursue your passion, do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life. But what happens when what you love becomes diluted by the process of incorporating it? When writing becomes scripting tweets for Merrill Lynch? When designing clothes becomes needing to hit sales numbers and Facebook likes? When becoming a character on the stage means having to constantly play a character in life? What is so wrong with having a job that’s just a job? When did we become so entitled to think that we should enjoy every minute we are literally surviving? That we can just fly from airport to airport finding ourselves? Who’s going to run the airport?

Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Christmas at Nana's Green Tea
  1. Spent Christmas with Eddy this year. an impromptu session - as all our meetings are. and half the time on special occasions. 
  2. It's about less than 2 hours to the new year, but i don't quite feel anything in particular but fatigue. time has been flying and half the time i feel so consumed in work and everything i don't even have time to do anything else.
  3. which reminds me, my parents were away last week and the responsibilities of feeding the dog and cat fell on me. and i tell everyone i don't even have time to feed myself sometimes...
  4. but that does not explain my weight gain since work started.
  5. it feels like Christmas crept up all so suddenly and took me by surprise. this year, i scrambled to put gifts together. and i will unashamedly say that as my Sparking Snow Yankee Candle is burning at the side of my table, i have a stack of unwritten Christmas cards (which i intend to finish tonight) to send off tomorrow. yes, i do know that tomorrow is 1 Jan 2015. lol.
  6. i didn't even have time to do any Christmas baking :<
  7. i also need to clean up my room and get my life in order.
  8. i procrastinated blogging since the eve of Christmas. and this is rather unlike me. i need to make new year resolutions. i will think about them and write about this again sometime next month.
it has been a life-changing year. and a year filled with learning experiences and new things. 
with graduation and entering a new phase of life. getting my first job - yes, i actually got a job. in a company that i'd never imagined i would be working in. and being a part of an awesome team. making friends, both new and old. i also actually organised an entire dance workshop on my own and started returning to physio this year. experienced a short health scare.

it also seems almost too surreal that my Korea exchange has now passed, more than a year ago. that it happened in 2013. i miss Korea terribly, i miss being in Korea and i miss being a student in Korea. feeling like a local and speaking Korean. and it saddens me that those will always be just a memory. i will have to return. 

i wish i had more time to write and tidy up things i want to say.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Sunday Afternoons; Apple Cinnamon Rolls & Work

Work-in-Progress; Apple Cinnamon Rolls

Have absolutely been procrastinating the entire day in writing. i disappeared for a month - work has been crazy. i sometimes wonder if i'm giving up things i'm passionate about. that aside, today was one of the first days in a long long long time that i spent doing nothing important. except sleeping. (:

1. i squeezed time out to do the Last of Fall baking. they didn't turn out too pretty but they were absolutely yummy. yes i'm shameless but #truestory lol. Apple Cinnamon Rolls.

2. i've been going through rough weeks after weeks. two fridays ago, i decided to escape and went to watch a movie with a friend. picked a light-hearted movie - Penguins that was really quite funny. after which, there were no more buses home and we ended up walking. yes i walked home - with a cider in hand. goodness. was absolutely exhausted that day and was amazed that i was still able to hold a conversation at 2am. slept at 3am - explains my heavy sleepy debt.

3. i have been working over the weekends for the.. past few weekends. i haven't been eating with my family a lot. and it's been a little more than just tiring. i had one of those hospital appointments on Friday and managed to take a day off yesterday. it truly gave me some space to breathe and time to catch up on sleep. in fact, i've been sleeping practically the day away (both yesterday and today) but i still feel tired. one more night tonight and i hope i'll live again.

4. my stomach hasn't been at its best with my irregular eating hours and the stress. i have even stopped keeping track of the amount of coffee i've been drinking. 2 pumps from the coffee machines, or more on some days. but my stomach hasn't been very happy and i've been forced to stop these few days.

5. been eating lots of Ramen recently. RamenPlay is actually pretty yums. and i'm not saying that cos i'm biased but i truly feel that way. and so i've been eating Ramen everywhere else too. the one at Parkway is awesome too.

6. i need to rededicate my time to things i want to do. my korean classes, my dance classes - goodness even my physio has been telling me that i need to exercise. i was out of breath less than 10 minutes into doing strengthening exercises. need to reprioritise my life.

7. as i walked out of the hospital and along the roads of Simei, i suddenly saw how stuck and enclosed into my job i have been. not that it's a bad thing, but i had forgotten the beauty of being outside, of the other things in life. of being free. don't get me wrong. i like what i do. just that sometimes we forget that there's so much more in life than just the things that we see.

sorry for the incoherence. i need a proper theme to continue writing. i will end abruptly here.