|Miam Miam Spaghetti|
i love how Christmas seems just barely over when here we all are, preparing to welcome the Lunar New Year. everything is just fast, coming and leaving in a flash and i can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad. working in a FMCG exacerbates everything - i have found myself living in the future far too often. planning for Christmas way before we hear any bells ringing and planning for CNY during Christmas. it plays with my mind really. i've been incredibly tired, and getting comments at how.. i stone perpetually or have become less lively. i'm not sure if life is meant to be lived this way, or perhaps all working people have to go through this. but i know, that it is a choice on how we want to live our lives. and we have the power to dictate where we want to invest our time and energy - at the expense of things. you can't have your cake and eat it too.
nonetheless i resolved to make some 2015 new year resolutions.
1. be happier :)
certainly the most vague and generic resolution ever. but i honestly, genuinely want to be a happier person. from the bottom of my heart, not just so to patronise or entertain - which i have recently caught myself doing. or to make someone happy. i want to live my life the way i want to and find meaning and value, worth in the things i put my mind, heart and soul in. it's easier said than done and i will have a game plan:
2. give less shit about things
i guess the nicer way to put it would be to care less. to care less about what people think or how things will turn out. perhaps sometimes we spend so much time giving thoughts about the feelings of others and a whole lot of crap at the expense of our own happiness. i need to learn that we all have limited amount of time and cares. limited energy and soul to dedicate where we will truly put our energy in. this applies to me in both work and out of work context. in work, there's an overwhelming amount of things to do and it always seems that every single thing is important and urgent. but there really is just one of me. and i don't even feel experienced enough to make certain decisions at times. my colleague pointed out that i spend so much time worrying on things that aren't really that important. i can't help it but i have to change.
work consumes me and sometimes i don't even have time for myself. so out of work i try to spend my time wisely. meeting friends helps to keep me sane and grounded, and reminds me to be myself. then again, as everyone gets busy, it's sometimes incredibly difficult to meet. but people who want to stay connected will find means to stay connected. and i should stop investing in people who doesn't care? i have enough things on my plate at work to chase after someone else.
i thought about this for awhile now. i grew up fighting to hit expectations, impress. to please. recently i decided that i wasn't going to live my life trying to please all these people around me. i just want to do what makes me happy (even though pleasing people makes me happy sometimes too). i can't come up with a reason why i should be making someone else happy all the time at the expense of my own.
enough said. i used to be so active before starting work. i just feel fat and lazy now. i need to exercise at least once a week and get back into the dance studio/swimming pool. it's really bad at how unhealthy i (sometimes) feel.
i want to read 12 books this year. i've got book credits from my brother as a birthday gift last year, which would probably safely cover the 12 books i would want to read. i miss reading. whether they are cookbooks, intellectual nutrition books or fiction. i want to read.
perhaps the most important book i should be reading would be the Bible. i signed up for my church's #365 - which is a commitment and dedication to finish reading the Bible in a year. well, i actually am 11 days late, already. need to pull up my socks on this one.
i haven't been baking. but this should be easier to achieve with CNY coming up and i have prepped the fridge with the necessary blocks of butter for those pineapple tarts. kueh lapis would require some true dedication and perhaps a day or two off from work. that aside, i shall sub point this: to renovate our kitchen. i hope to eventually renovate our kitchen this year and have a nice true baking space.
writing has always been my outlet and channel to rationalise and sort out all the thoughts in my head. it keeps me sane, calm and grounded, and reminds me of the life i want to live. i'm not very good at writing, and it rusts if i don't write frequently. i need to keep to writing, at least weekly - as i had previously tried resolving to do.
i stopped my korean classes ever since school ended and have been stagnant. had a video call with my korean friend the other day and found myself speaking slower. i had wanted to sign up for korean classes on Saturdays for awhile now. but i really haven't had the time to. i will, this year.
i want to go back to Korea this year. once or twice perhaps. and Taiwan. these places of comfort that reminds me of the days back when i was still studying. although i still dream of making a second visit to London and Europe.. but i absolutely miss korea. so so, so much. i love knowing what lies around every crook and corner. i love knowing that everything goes on sale every couple of weeks. i love the whole familiarity of just being there.
10. love myself
in all the right ways that is. this isn't the same as being self-centred. i want to love myself more. i need to be less hard on myself at times and be a little more forgiving.
Chase your dreams, pursue your passion, do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life. But what happens when what you love becomes diluted by the process of incorporating it? When writing becomes scripting tweets for Merrill Lynch? When designing clothes becomes needing to hit sales numbers and Facebook likes? When becoming a character on the stage means having to constantly play a character in life? What is so wrong with having a job that’s just a job? When did we become so entitled to think that we should enjoy every minute we are literally surviving? That we can just fly from airport to airport finding ourselves? Who’s going to run the airport?